 |
 |
|
|
|
Blessed and Shattered
Nov 25, 2002
I feel both blessed and shattered. I was blessed with three beautiful children from my first marriage, T(f), and her twin siblings J(f) & D(m) (19 yrs). I remarried when I was 25 and my second husband (he had no kids of his own) and I planned on having a couple of children together. Our first pregnancy was ectopic and I was totally devastated and terrified. We have since experienced a total of 7 miscarriages over the last 15 years! I spent all day yesterday at the hospital fearing another ectopic pregancy because of the pain in my left side. The doctors calmed my fears when they advised me that the tube was clear and that they feared the pain had to do with my kidney. Within a couple of hours they shattered my world once again by telling my that I was having a miscarriage.
I fear I must be crazy, still wanting another child in my 40's. My husband seems to take it all in stride, with an attitude of "it wasn't meant to be". Somehow I can't come to that same conclusion. If it "wasn't meant to be", why would a woman conceive a baby in the first place? What have I done that is so terribly wrong that I am now not able to carry a baby to term?
SP
|
|
|
|
