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Depression and Miscarriage
Sep 08, 2002
Hi. I lost my last baby on April 26, 2002. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant. I was also scared to death! I had seperated from my husband in January and was with a man who I loved dearly. I also had a lot of health problems at the time. I was in school, and was working on getting my life back together.
I went into my doctor's when I was 8 weeks along. He sent me to a Perinatologist. We did a viability check at 9 weeks. I got to see my baby with a beating heart! I then went to the doctors at 12 weeks and we were doing an ultrasound and we saw no heartbeat. She told me I could either get a D&C scheduled and get rid of the baby, or I could deliver naturally. I couldn't bear the thought of delivering naturally and seeing it. I just couldn't do it. I regret that decision now.
Instead, I chose to get a D&C done that same day, in the afternoon. The whole time I was waiting for surgery, I felt like I was going to be killing my baby. I felt like the ultrasound was a mistake, that my baby was really alive. It was the hardest thing I had to do in my life! I had had 2 previous miscarriages, and those were hard, but this one was by far the hardest to go through.
I had the D&C that afternoon and was released. I was back in the emergency room that night for severe pain. They had me stay the night and released me the next day. I went home and got really depressed and didn't take any of my medicines. I felt like what was the use of living. I didn't have my baby anymore. (This was Saturday when I was released the second time)
On Monday afternoon, I was rushed to the emergency room again for a blood clot in my right leg. It was in the veins and artery of my leg. It ended up that my leg was amputated from below the knee. I decided then that it is too dangerous for me to even try to get pregnant again. I can't risk my life and I don't want to go through a miscarriage again. It's been a very hard decision to make and it's one that I keep trying to change my mind about. We've considered adoption, but neither of us is ready to be parents right now.
It's been a very hard time these last few months. I've been in and out of hospitals because of blood clots, infections, etc... I haven't really had time to grieve the losses until now. It's put me into a pretty deep depression that I can't claw my way out of right now. I'm already on anti-depressants, but they aren't working very well.
I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this. Hope God blesses each and every one of you!
-Naomi
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