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Feeling Angry
Dec 09, 2002
hello everyone my name is Katie and I am 22 years old and live in Phoenix Arizona. On July 27th 2002 I had my 1st miscarriage and it was the most horrible thing I have and probably will ever go through. I would first like to say that I am really sorry to all of you who have lost a child, I know what you are going threw.
I was 31/2 months pregnant and I was all alone except for my family the dad decided to go to Mexico cause he did not want to handle the responsibility of being a dad. It all started when I was throwing up everyday and my mom would ask me Did the doctor say this was normal and I said yes mom it is morning sickness and can happen your whole pregnancy in some cases.
I was living with my sister who was 3 months ahead of me and having her 2 child, I was so happy to know that our kids were going to be the same age and grow up together.
It all started at when I went to the doctor and they told me I had a bacterial infection and that I had to take medication to get rid of it in order for the baby to be healthy. I was so against taking drugs but I did it anyway. The next night July 26th I woke up in a puddle of blood calmly I went to the bathroom and called my sister in the room to take me to the emergency room. They took me in and looked at the baby for 1 hour and they said everything was fine the baby's heartbeat was normal and to go home, I could not figure out why in the hell they would send me home she said if the bleeding gets any worse in 3 hours to come back. I asked her if the med had anything to do with it and she said no, we all went home and prayed. About 12:00 that night I felt a gush of blood down there then 2,3,4 freaked out I went to the bathroom and could not even tell what color my legs were there was so much blood, I was so scared the clots were as big as my fist. I went to the emergency room and was losing so much blood that I almost died. They took me in again and that is when they told me that the baby was dead and it was just a matter of time till I had him. After 9 hours of labor I had my little Boy he was a perfect little man he weighed one ounce and was 4and1/2 inches long. I named him Armando Jesus. When I held him I was so numb that I did not even get to say good bye to him, all I wanted to know was why god took him from me? What was wrong with me? Was I ever going to be able to have Kids?
I had to have a D&C and when I came out I felt alot of Anger cause the hospitol never told me anything My mom and I were the only ones that were in that room the whole time.. I wanted answers, after waiting 3 weeks my doctor told me that my placenta was upside down and the baby was not getting enough nutrients that is why he died.
I don't know if there is any moms out there that feel that the med is what killed there baby but that is what I feel. I really would like if someone could help me to understand or atleast cope with this tragic loss. If any of you know any support groups in arizona that could help me I would really appreciate it. I hope to hear from you soon.
Thankyou for listening to my story.
God Bless
katie
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