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It Seems So Unfair
Dec 08, 2002
I found out I was pregnant last Monday the 2nd of December. How perfect! We'd been trying for over a year and had started to give up. We just bought a house and were moving the furniture in on Monday and I was two days late so I took a test. For the first time, I got 2 lines. It seemed so perfect! We move into a brand new home that we bought with children in mind, and wow, I'm pregnant.
The cramps started the next day and I call my new OB's nurse to make sure that was ok. I was told it was normal and to even expect some mild bleeding. Thursday I even bled a little. Yesterday morning I awoke to intense cramps. They were so bad, my husband called an ambulance. When the paramedic heard I wasn't bleeding with my cramps, he seemed hopeful that maybe it was something else. After the blood work came back, my HCG levels were for someone who would be 2 days pregnant, not 4 and a half weeks. So I had lost my baby.
I know it isn't my fault or my husband's, but it feels so wrong. All those people we cheered to about our pregnancy, we now have to tell we lost it. I'm scared to death to get pregnant again for fear that I'll simply miscarry again. My husband is a wreck and we're trying to be strong for each other, but it so hard.
Plus I feel so alone about this. Everyone I know had healthy babies the first go. It seems so unfair. . .
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