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I Blame Myself
Nov 07, 2002
IT'S GOING TO BE NOW ABOUT 2 MONTHS SINCE I HAD MY MISCARRIAGE. SINCE THEN AND STILL CURRENTLY IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, I BLAME MYSELF. I'M A DIABETIC BUT I HAD IT UNDER CONTROL. MAYBE IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE. THE PREGNANCY CAUSED FOR MY SUGAR TO BE OUT OF CONTROL AND MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS HIGH. NO MATTER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS THAT IT WASN'T MY FAULT. I FEEL I HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. I HAVE ENDOMETRIOSIS AND DOCTOR SAID GETTING PREGNANT WOULD HELP. MY HUSBAND AND I HAD ALREADY TRIED GETTING PREGNANT BUT I WAS DIAGNOSISED WITH IT. IT WAS THE REASON I COULDN'T GET PREGNANT. I HAVE THREE CHILDREN ALREADY BUT I JUST WANT TO HAVE ONE MORE. BECAUSE OF MY AGE AND MY HEALTH IT IS MORE RISKING. I WAS PLANNING TO HAVE ONE MORE AND HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY. THAT WAY I WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN OF THE ENDOMETRIOSIS. I STILL FEEL LIKING CRYING BUT I HOLD IT IN. IT HURTS TO THINK OF THE CHILD THAT I LOST AND HOW IT WAS GOING TO LOOK LIKE. SEE THAT PRECIOUS FACE LOOKING AT ME. AFTER THIS GOD HAS GIVEN ME OTHER OBSTACLES TO BEAR. I BELIEVE SO I WON'T DWELL ON THE LOSS OF MY CHILD. KEEPING ME FROM I GUESS GETTING INTO A DEPRESSION. I WILL PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU. SO THAT YOU MAY GET THROUGH YOUR OWN ORDEALS. IT ANYONE CAN TELL ME IF YOUR DOCTOR HAS GIVEN A TIME LIMIT FOR WHEN TO PLAN FOR ANOTHER PREGNANCY.
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