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Forever Incomplete
Oct 29, 2002
I have been dreading this day for months. Pushing the thoughts from my mind when they threaten to intrude with pain and tears.
The time is now and I can no longer avoid it. It is time once again to look into the abyss. My son, John Paul, was due today. He never saw that sun rise over the bay. Just another medical procedure and business went on as usual at the hospital that day. Please dear God, just give me enough strength to get through yet another day. Losing John Paul was like falling into the abyss and hitting bottom really hard. Knocked me off my feet and into my bed, with physical complications to boot. To add injury to unsult, the people I thought I knew, loved, and trusted, let me down. Some of the things that they said will be with me always. They set standards by which I should grieve and for how long. Grieving alone has been second only to the pain of losing John Paul. I've always been on the strong side, so of course I had to get it together - and fast. You get the picture - I'm 'fine', but not really. Don't know if I'll ever really be 'fine' again. My goal at this point is to reach 'okay' on a daily basis! My faith is intact, but am I very angry and God help me, my marriage is fading fast. I'll be 'okay' one day soon, but always different. No mother could ever be the same after she's lost a child, because you see they take a piece of your heart with them when they go and you're forever incomplete...soul aching...heart breaking. Pray for us all.
SLS
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