 |
 |
|
|
|
In Need of Hope
Oct 26, 2002
I am sitting here recovering from the news I received yesterday. I am not shocked, but I am strangely indifferent. And I am angry. I am often told I am lucky I have one child. I agree. I am often told that I am still young. I agree. But, no one really comforts me. No one really knows what to say. The doctors have started mentioning non-traditional techniques, doctors from universities far away and even adoption. This scares me. I am starting to lose hope that God will bless me with another baby. I have been in therapy for a year now. I was driven to it after almost losing it last year. I don't know what to say to people. People do not know what to say to me. Many people say, "well, it was meant to be, at least you didnt carry it longer, it's harder as you go." What do they know? As if my loss is less painful because I was only 6 weeks along. The dreams are the same. Whether I was pregnant for seven minutes or seven months, I have lost my child and my hope. I know I sound jaded and bitter, but that's where I am. After six miscarriages, countless doctors, numerous tests, too many DNC's, and way too many nights of crying myself to sleep I don't know how else to cope. Maybe one day I can return to this site and write a happy story, but for now I cannot find that place in myself. I will carry on for my son. He is the one I really want to be happy, after all. Thank you for listening to me. Good luck to everyone in thier road to parenthood.
|
|
|
|
