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A Beautiful Ending
Oct 13, 2002
Recently married at 19 years old, we decided to stop the pill and try for a child. I had just finished technical classes, started my career, and bought a house. I had a fast start on life but after all I was more mature than my friends, had dated my husband for over four years. My life was more "together" than anyone I knew. My first job paid more than the average so I was more than ready to start a family.
I knew that my periods were getting less predictable but the doctors said that every thing was all right. He said that the body is a fine tuned symphony and that every thing would work out. My husband and I thought that we would just wait and see.
About five years later we were still waiting. My doctor was still saying that everything was fine. Seven months of no periods, cramping pains, sharp stabbing pains, getting fat, oily skin, mood swings, brown bleeding when ever I did start but everything is "fine". I was treated for STD infections that I never had, treated with injections that I didn't know was also birth control but would make me start, switching doctors in hope of answers and hoping not to be yelled at like one doctor did. I finally found a doctor to help me. He did an exploratory laproscopy to see the trouble inside and my diagnosis was Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).
I was told that I may never have a child but he would help as much as possible. I took fertility drugs without any luck. Then my doctor heard about a diabetes medicine that my help. I took the medicine and the fertility drugs. Seven years after I got married I was finally PREGNANT! I carried it just fine until at 14 weeks I started bleeding. I rushed to the doctor and was told that my baby was not developing and I would loss it. I waited several days, crying, shaking, not sleeping, and bleeding. I knew in my heart that it wasn't my fault but I had to wonder why couldn't I have a child? What was wrong with me? I thought anyone could have a child. Just look around. People who didn't want them could have a litter. Some people would have them and not take care of them. I had everything to offer and couldn't have a family. I lived hating myself and wishing that my husband would find someone else that could give him a family, knowing if he left my world would be gone.
Two years later, after a second surgery where they drilled holes in my huge cystic ovaries, diabetes medicines, and fertility drugs I finally got pregnant again. Scared out of my mind but doing well, I worked until at 18 weeks I started bleeding again. It was then I found out that I had an incompetent cervix. Like I didn't have a hard enough time now this! I was rushed into surgery when I had a cerclauge put in to tie me together. So then I spent the next 21 weeks of pregnancy in BED!!! If you can imagine 21 weeks to worry myself sick in bed.
Now for the happy ending. I now have a beautiful baby girl that is almost 2 years old. She is my miracle and I thank God for her every day. Even tonight even though she has refused to go to sleep and is lying in my bed trying to kick me out. You would think after all the time I spent in the bed that I would just let her have it.
Just remember that there is a plan for all of us. We don't always know the plan or understand it but it will always work out for us if we have hope.
I feel deeply for anyone who has loss a child born or unborn. There is no greater pain. I just pray that anyone who is hurting will heal.
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