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Feeling Empty Three Times
Oct 13, 2002
This is my third miscarriage. My first was January 29,2001. That time i felt pregnant. I was pretty sure that i was pregnant. But i did a home test then a couple of weeks later had the dr do a test. They were both negative. So a week later I went to the chiropractor. He took several X-rays. After the X-rays i felt sick. Over the next day or two the feeling of pregnancy lessened until it was gone all together. 5 days later i took another test which was positive. That same day i begain to have intense cramping. 2 days after that i begain bleeding heavily. I was only 5 weeks along when it happened. But the sadness of loss was no less. My second miscarriage happened in November of 2001. I was on birth control pills when i got pregnant. I did not even know that i was pregnant until 2 days before i miscarried. This time was like the first time, I felt pregnant from the first day of conception. Even though I was on birth control pills when this one was conceived, everything felt fine for the first 3 weeks, except my cervix felt sore during intercourse. During my forth week i started cramping and feeling soreness throughout my abdomen. The soreness and cramping continued for the next 2 weeks. Then last Thursday, October 10, 2002, I begain cramping even more and started leaking a pinkish clear liquid with hints of blood. By the end of the day it had progressed to chunks of blood and tissue. I called my DR. He told me that if i do not stop bleeding by Wednesday to come in to be checked out. I can honestly say that the sadness does not get any weaker with each miscarriage. I am so empty feeling. My husband does not know how to share his feelings. I was to talk to him about it, but it is hard to initiate the conversation. We did talk about it on the first day for a brief moment. He told me that he was really excited about this child, and would like to try again. We are thinking about me stopping taking my birth control pills (not that they work, obviously), exercising regularly, taking vitamins, and eating healthfully for the next couple of months, then trying to conceive. Perhaps it will work if we actually try. None of my pregnancies have been planned, but they have all been wanted. Hopefully we will finally be able to successfully have a child of our own. Thank you for listening to my story. And for all of the women who are victims of miscarriages, I want to say that i am very very sorry that any of you ever have to feel the pain of losing a child. I wish you all luck in the future. But after having a miscarriage, if you successfully have a child in the future, you will definitely cherish the experience. Your child will have more love from you than any one person can ever ask for.
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