 |
 |
|
|
|
I'll Never Forget Him
Oct 11, 2002
The days seem so long and so empty. Iam only 21 yr. old and everyone tells me that "i'm young, i can always try again", but that's not what i want to hear. My pregnancy was a tough one with constant vommiting which always lead to dehydration. I wasn't able to eat or drink without throwing it up minutes later. I was scared "Was it normal", Was the baby ok", Was i ok", When would it stop.Some days i just wanted to die. i was so tired of being sick. One day on a Tuesday morning i had a regular check-up. i heard the heart beat and i felt the baby moving like crazy,especially at night. Two days later on an early Thursday morning i was rushed to the Emergency Room for dehydration once again. The doctors ordered the same test, the same medications, and like always an ultrasound. But this time i wasn't allowed to see the screen. I knew something was wrong. I asked the ultrasound tech. if something was wrong but she just didn't answer. Something was terribly wrong because this time i was in there for an hour and a half and still no answer. They finally took me back to my room where they told me that the doctor would be in the room soon to discuss the ultrasound results. My husband and i waited nervously. Finally he arrived with the worst news i ever had, my baby had no heartbeat. But that has to be impossible, i mean i heard it myself two days prior. But it was true. At 16 weeks and days before i would find out the sex, my baby was dead. Why??????!!!!!!!! Why me? I was numb. I cried out over and over, while my husband stood there motionless,speechless.Later on that night i began to bleed. Now it was official, i miscarried. I sat there and cried the whole night. After three days in the hospital i was giving an option from the doctors whether to have my baby natural(through labor) although not alive or have a D&C.I didn't know what to do, what was the right thing. I went home and decided that i would be strong and do the labor.It really wasn't hard so i thought, but when i actually gave birth to my dead baby and saw HIS little body, my life hasn't been the same. I dream of him all the time, i can't sleep, and my husband refuses to talk about it. Life just seems so unfair. I will not forget him ever and later on i will find the will to try again.
|
|
|
|
