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Thinking of My Babies
Oct 08, 2002
My name is Shay.I am 15 years old.On December 12,2001 I was gang raped.I was impregnated by one of my rapists,who happened t be my ex-boyfriend.I started taking birth control,unaware of my pregnancy.The thought that I might be pregnant crossed my mind but,I looked past it.On January 1,2002 I began to miscarriage.I bled continuously for a month.I didn't tell anyone, because at that time no one knew about my rape.I went to the doctor a couple of months later and she told me that I had suffered a miscarriage because I began to take birth control pills in my first month.Even though I was only 14at the time,I mourned the loss as if I were 25.It devastated me.I don't believe in abortions.I feel that if I'm woman enough to have sex,then I am woman enough to take care of my responsibility.In May of 2002 I found out I was pregnant again.I decided to tell my mother this time.I was two months when I found out.My family knew about everything, and I was planning on keeping my baby.But my mother told me she was going to make me abort it.I was determined to keep my child.My baby's father began to act very stupid toward the situation.I felt completely alone and scared.I was a mess for almost a month.I cried constantly,and went through my 3rd month by myself basically.Thrn it was too the point where I couldn't take it anymore.One day I started bleeding really bad.I went to the doctor while and when I stopped bleeding.They told me that I micscarried,and it was possible it was due to stress.I was once again devastated.But this time it was enough.I stopped having sex,and began to think about my life.In the last 10 months I have been raped twice and had 2 miscarriages.I don't have sex that much anymore,and I am very careful about getting pregnant.Although I went through this,I am lucky not to have any STDs.I have been tested multiple times.I think about my babies all the time.I wonder what they would have looked like and all the other things mothers would want to know.If I hadn't miscarried the first time,I would be a mother of a one month old baby.it's alot to think about,but I know that when it's my right time,God will bless with a healthy baby.
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