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I Miss My Baby
Oct 07, 2002
I was 14 weeks along when I lost my child, Hope Anne. I was fortunate enough to have known I was pregnant from about 4 weeks into the pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant on February 17, 2002, the day my first nephew was born. This had been an unplanned pregnancy, but from the second I knew, I wanted her. I loved her. In an odd coincidence, my co-worker was also pregnant and only 8 days ahead of me. From the beginning though my pregnancy was rocky. I had many infections. I would bleed on and off, but every time we went for an ultrasound I saw my baby, alive and well. On April 26th I woke up with severe cramping in my back and abdomen which was accompanied by bleeding. I think I knew then what was about to happen, but I didn't want to belive it. I called the doctor who scheduled another ultrasound for 11 am that morning. When we went in, we saw our baby moving around, and for the first time she looked like a baby...the image on the monitor was no longer a blur. We left the hospital with the recommendation that I needed to rest, and I did. We talked about what names we wanted for our child that night before bed, and I wanted to believe that everything was going to be ok. At 2 am I woke up with severe pains. Now I know I was having contractions. I called the on-call doctor to report this severe pain and she told me to take tylenol and go to bed...That I was fine. Well about 10 minutes later I began to vomit and bleed. We rushed to the hospital and I delivered my baby at 4:25 am on April 27th. I have had a very difficult time accepting this loss. And an even more difficult time having to watch my co-worker progress through her pregnancy as I should have. There has been little understanding from my co-workers about my loss...to them and the co-worker who was pregnant I should be over this...and able to share in her joy. To them my daughter never existed. She recently had her baby last week and my due date is approaching October 14th. I felt relief when she had delivered her baby, and now her pregnancy doesn't have to haunt me. I was never angry with her because she was pregnant, I just missed my baby as I have every day since she went to heaven.
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