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Pregnant Against All Odds
Feb 24, 2002
i got pregnant against all odds...we never expected it...as i am quite ill...and on numerous meds....i am also 44 yrs...my guy is...51....so with all this...it was really unexpected...i had been in hospital early january....again more meds...and xray....i didnt know i was pregnant at this time....when i told james...my guy...he said it was the ultimate happiness...he had always wanted kids...but had resigned himself to never having any...as the years went by....then this happened...i was pregnant!!!!! i had been seriously ill years earlier...with pregnancy...i had pre eclampsia and eclampsia...and more...wont go into all...anyway...this baby....meant the world to us....we where happy....then james had to go back to usa...i am in uk...so i have been pregnant mostly alone....then last week on 14 th february i started to bleed....around 4.45 pm....i was on the phone with james...i called the doctor...even though i knew nothing could be done....this is my 5th miscarriage....but 1st with james...bleeding got heavier...went into the womens hospital here....they did an internal scan...and she looked at me...as soon as i saw her face i knew....she still carried on scanning....then she siad she was sorry...that i had lost the baby...and showed me the tiny wee space where the baby had been....there was still bits there....i had had an incomplete miscarriage...then she told me...i was to poorly....due to my asthma...i have severe asthma....that she would not risk putting me under anasthesia....so i could either stay there in hospital....or go home and wait for the rest to come away....i went home....and waited...it is just over a week now...i am still bleeding...but is getting lighter...it seems so cruel...that i had to wait longer....but i know they had to do it like this....i asked about having my tubes tied....they said no...again due to my asthma being so bad...nearly all other contraception is out...i have severe allergies and a reduced immune system...but my doc is going to try a new iut...that is out....i did also ask about having another baby....the doc there said...she would be terrified of me being her patient...that i might die...but i would still love to try again....james...he said no...he doesnt want to lose me...he won't take risks....i guess no in a way...i am in mourning for my baby...i can''t shake off the sadness and tears....i am also grieving for the future...that i won't be pregnant again....i dont know...when james comes home...should be another 3 weeks or so...then we will mourn together...i know that will come...it is natural....but i can't help dreading it...i wish i could stop crying now...but i can't...
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