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Feeling So Empty
Sep 25, 2002
I am the 37 year old mother of two wonderful children, a boy, 12 and a girl, 9. I recently met the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Early on in our relationship we discovered I was pregnant. Though difficult financially and not being sure how the other children would accept it (he has 2 boy, 7 and 13) we decided to keep the baby. Knowing that we would be together through it all, he moved in with my children and I, with his children. It's been wonderful. The kids get along, and he and I have never been happier..then I started spotting with my pregnancy. An ultrasound and blood test determined that the baby would not survive. Now I am waiting two days to go to the hospital to have our child removed. I was 10 weeks along, and to me, it was our child and not just an embryo. I am beyond devastated. Though we will try again, I can't help but blame myself. Maybe I did something wrong...I can't stop crying and feeling very empty. My boyfriend has been very supportive, and my children, though I don't know if they fully understand, have done what they can to be helpful and supportive. Extra hugs help, but I still feel really, really sad. If anyone believes in sending good thoughts, prayers or wishes, please send them now. I don't know what else to do but rely on faith. I know there was a reason and I don't in any way blame God or anything like that, I just pray for peace of mind and spirit though this.
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