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Heartache, Pain, and Failure
Sep 14, 2002
It was my 4th pregnancy, we were so happy because my husband had a vasectomy reversal and it worked!!! I experienced a "light period" at the time my usual period was due and was suspicious. My pregnancy was confirmed 1 week later. Elation! However, 5 days after confirmation I spotted (a yuk brown on and off for about 5 weeks. During this very anxious time I had 4 scans and all appeared well with a very active little person inside me. The spotting settled and at my scheduled appointment at 15 weeks, I was absolutely devastated to see on a scan my baby was lifeless. I have never felt heartbreak like this, pain and failure. I had to go to hospital and have labour induced, thankfully I was given an anaesthetic and did not witness my poor little son Jimmy, arriving in this world without life. It was such a harrowing experience and the pain worsened as I wanted so much to have another son, a playmate for my only son Billy. I will always wonder was it the odd wine I drank, or being intimate with my husband, or fretting about relocating from adored friends and lifestyle in the Country to the awful City. I hope that I may one day experience the joy of a babe arriving and carrying my baby, experiencing the joy of life inside me. God bless all us women who experience this tradgedy, we certainly need it!
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