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Brendan Left My Arms Empty
Dec 31, 2002
I was convinced that I was never going to be a mommy. After several years of trying on and off, I got what I had always wanted.....a positive PG test. After 7 months of doctors appointments, and ultrasounds, and planning and picking the right name, I went into what I thought was false labor. My mother convinced me to go to the hospital and two days later my beautiful Brendan was born. He was early. Too early. Even though the doctors told me that he had a 93% chance of living with no complications, I stayed worried and at his bedside as much as I could. On December 21st I got the call. His intestines were leaking into his abdomine and it didn't look good. Two hours later they came in to tell me. I was devistated. Not my boy!! He was the fighter!! He had lived 11 days !! This was a dream!! I miss my boy so much sometimes I don't think I can handle it. Sometimes I just lock myself in my room asking God to take me to him. I ask God for streghth everyday just to go on. I know that my Brendan will live on forever within me. But with my heavy heart goes my empty arms. And even reminding myself what a grand place he is in today, I still long to have him here with me.
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