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I Can Face Tomorrow
Oct 20, 2002
I had very healthy pregnancy. The doctor determined two weeks before my son was due that I would have to have a c-section due to the size of my pelvis and the size of my baby. Kenny was estimated to be 9 pounds. My c-section was scheduled for 11 AM on July 31, 2002. My water broke the mrning of July 31st at around 1 AM. They moved the c-section to 8 AM. Kenny was born without complications. He weighed 9 pounds 8 ounces and was 22 & 1/2 inces long (I am only five feet tall.) He passed all his baby tests, he recieved an 8.8 on his apgar. We were released two days after Kenny was born. It was Friday, August 2, 2002 at 4 PM when we finally went home with our son for the first time. My parents were there for the birth of their first and only grandchild. We were all very excited! Kenny was a little bit fussy when we got home, the big adjustment to being home and not in my womb or at the hospital was hard on him. About an hour after we were home, I went to feed Kenney. About 5:30 Pm(not sure of exact time I felt him pull from my breast. he was very sleepy and I had to wake him periodically, this occured in the hospital so I was not too alarmed, I chalked the lethargic feeding up to Kenny being a newborn. About five minutes or less from the time I felt him eatting to the time I checked him, and decided to switch sides, was a moment in time I will never forget in all of my life, I picked Kenny up to change sides and he was the worst shade of blue that I have ever seen in my life. (My mother was with me the whole time, I am so thankful to God that she was there for what will be one of the most horrible moments of my life. kenny was not breathing. My mother took him from me and ran him into the living room, I was in a surreal mode - like this is not really happening is it, I now know I was in complete shock. I did have enough presence of mind to call 911. At that point I truly believed that I had killed my baby. I am a special education teacher, and I almost have a masters degree in early childhood special education, and I felt like a complete failure, because here my son was not breathing, and I who knew how to care for a baby seriously hurt her own son! The ambulance finally arrived after what felt like hours, (it was only minutes) the EMT's did not even wait for my husband or I to get in the ambulence, they wisked him away to the nearest hospital. rex and I jumped into our car and drove very fast to get to the hospital. the whole time I was begging God to save my son, I was still numb and not really sure of what was real or not. I still blamed myself, and kept saying that I killed my son, I kept repeating this even at the ER. the doctors and nurses were trying to convince me that I was not at fault, but Satan was feeding me a lie that I believed. The ER doctors tried to recesatte kenny. they never did, Kenny was gone before he ever got to live, and to this day (October, 20, 2002) we are still waiting for the Autopsy results. their are many theories but no real answers yet. The doctors are just as blown away by Kenny's death as we are, no one knows why, he was healthy by all obvious signs...the true miracle that has happened to us is the loving grace of God, without a firm foundation in Christ, my husband in I would of never made it. The night my son died, we were at the hospital ER waiting room, about fifteen minutes of being there, we looked up to see about twenty or so people from our church. they began to pray and cry with us. They poured out God's love to us in ways we have never seen before. It was like God saying that you cannot have kenny for reasons only I know, but I am going to give you the next best thing, I will send you my love through my people..I can tell you now, that through the convictions of God's love and prayers, I no longer hold any blame for myself. I know my son's death was not my fault. We as parents did what God wanted us to do as parents. We told our son about Jesus from the moment he was born. Kenny is in a safe place where satan can not get him! I know we will see him again, and that is the comfort I cling to. I have such a desire to tell people about God and his all consuming love. I desire to be with God more then anything, but I feel drawn to a ministry here on Earth. I use Kenny's story to tell people about the amazing things God has done in our lives. It is because HE lives that We can face tomorrow...I have read a Silent Grief" This book has helped me in many ways, I live in Searcy AR. and it is amazong how God places people in our lives, because my husband comutes one day a week to Memphis with your son. (Clara Hinton's son) and I met your (Clara's) daughetr at Pizza Pro yesterday, she directed me to this website! I do not believe that was an accident. It just shows us how much God is at work in our lives. We thank you for your wonderful book and website. God is continually showing us how much love he has for us..
My sons name is Kenneth James Butts
My name is Laura Butts, my husband is Rex Butts
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