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Each Day Is A Gift From God
Oct 17, 2002
We had just gotten married. We were full of promise of what our future held. I had been a single Mom for years and previously in a very violent marriage. I had 2 children who longed for and deserved a good father. My family had been a God sent I was 16 pregnant and married to an abuser. But now it was years later and I was married to the most incredible man who had adopted both my children and was the father they have yearned for all their lives. He had a good job and a wonderful heart. We decided to try to get pregnant right away. I saw what an incredible father he was and couldn't wait to have a child with a man who not only was a great father but a great man. We got pregnant right away only to miscarry at 11 weeks. I tried to be strong for him since it broke his heart so deeply. We tried again as soon as we got the OK. Once again we were pregnant right away. At 5 months we found out it was a baby girl, We were all so excited. Our 2 older children were already getting so excited that their "sister" was doing good and coming in a few months. We were so happy What could go wrong She was healthy and we sat back to wait her arrival. To our horror her arrival came 3 months early and her birth was quick and her live even quicker. We held her in our arms for 2 hours until her tiny heart stopped beating. We had never know pain so deep or so overwhelming. Our 2 children came in the room and also held her and got to say Good-bye to their tiny sister and My husbands parents & my father were also their to say Good-bye to their new granddaughter. For the next few months I was in deep depression, Not only due to her death but also 4 more miscarriages. We had not been to church in a few years I was very mad at God for doing this to us. I often Screamed to Him "Why did you take her from us"? Then one day I sat on my bed and cried, I had tried everything to comfort my heart. I had gone to support groups, I was on paxil, I had gone to counseling I had talked to friends and family till I was blue in the face But nothing comforted my aching heart. I, at that moment broken and alone gave my heart to God. I told him My husband and I couldn't do this alone, I asked for his perfect peace. I decided then that what we needed was God's comfort. We started attending church and I starting reading my bible again and writing in my prayer journal again. I started to open my heart to Jesus again and instead of praying for a baby I prayed for peace and comfort for Me, My husband our children and our family. We decided to stop trying to get pregnant and start to heal from our losses. We decided to Ask God to give us hearts to serve and follow his great way. Suddenly where I was once desperately seeking comfort I found great Joy. I saw my daughters brief life as A blessing instead of a nightmare. I saw how close we were because of her brief life and how we had learned compassion and that life is not a guarantee But a gift. And we saw it as that now. We saw that the life God had sent Madison to live was fulfilled in every way he had planned it to be lived. That in her brief life we were given a gift far greater than any we could have imagined. We pray that One day if we are blessed with another child we will Be the parents God wants us to be, The parents God has Taught us to be. And that we life the life God has given us. That we see the gifts instead of looking for the gifts. That we see beauty in our life instead of only seeing the pain in our hearts. We will always miss our sweet Madison and Look forward to seeing all our babies in heaven, But now we also look forward to each day as A gift from God. Our children are growing up so fast But now we take more joy in everything they do. We hold new promise for the life we live and the hearts we hold.
Kristen Carpenter
I have 2 websights just if you'd like to see them
Madison's Page
The Carpenter Family
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