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A Very Special Baby
Mar 15, 2002

MY ECTOPIC IS NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S I HAVE READ ABOUT. I HAVE FOUR HEALTHY CHILDREN AND ALSO HAD MY TUBES TIED AFTER THE FOURTH. WHAT MAKES MY STORY UNUSUAL IS THAT I WAS NEARLY FOUR MONTHS ALONG WHEN MY TUBE RUPTURED. I DON'T REALLY HAVE A STORY TO TELL I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT I AM FEELING IS NORMAL. IT HAS BEENFIVE MONTHS SINCE IT HAPPENED BUT AS I WRITE THIS I AM OVERCOME WITH EMOTION, I HAVE FOUR KIDS BUT I FEEL SO EMPTY . WE WERE SO THRILLED ABOUT THIS BABY. WE NEVER HAD A CLUE THAT ANYTHING WAS WRONG. EVEN MY KIDS WERE EXCITED. WHEN WILL I FEEL LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN? LUCKILY FOR ME MY BEST FRIENDS HUSBAND IS A PSYCHIATRIST AND HE HAS BEEN MEETING WITH ME FREE OF CHARGE BUT HE IS A MAN AND I KNOW HE CAN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. I FEEL SO GUILTY. IT NEVER OCCURED TO ME TO ASK IF IT WAS A BOY OR A GIRL. THE WHOLE TIME I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL I FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING IT HAPPEN TO SOMEONE ELSE. I GUESS I AM WRITING BECAUSE I NEED SOMEONE, ANYONE TO REALIZE THAT A VERY SPECIAL BABY NEVER CAME TO BE.
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