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My Sweet Spencer
Jan 16, 2003
This is the stroy of my precious baby boy Spencer. Not really much of a baby anymore..he was almost seven years old. His story begins when he was born at only 27 weeks gestation. He was a mere 2lbs. 10oz. A big boy for his age. But there were other problems... he wasn't breathing and hadn't had oxygen for almost 30 minutes. When he did take his first breath, it was small. After two months in the NICU, he came home, but not without problems. Due to the lack of oxygen he was left premenant brain damage. Later he was diagnosed with 'cerebal palsy'. That meant that alot of work was to be done. The years went by, with lots of problems, seizures, surgeries,therapies,dissappointments, and suprises. Our lives were full of lots of suprises. But we had our angel on earth. His laughter could light up the room, I still hear it. As his health grew stronger, so did your hopes. He started a special school program, and he was healthy, and happy.
We are not sure what happened. Spencer fell ill one afternoon, with what we thought was a cold. But he couldn't catch his breath, and became cyonatic, and turned blue and gray. The ambulance came, went to the hospital, were we found out that he had aspirated on his own salivia, and developed phenomia. After hours of tests, needles and x-rays, they wanted to admit him. Spencer had done this before, we had machines to help him breath,eat, suchion machines, nebulizers, and a nursing staff at home. I had pulled him through worse... I thought. So through my stubberness, I was able to convience the doctors to let me take him home. I had two more babies at home who needed me too, and being a single mom, I couldn't be in two places at the same time. They allowed me to bring him home. I stayed up most of the night with him, without very many problems. He had finished eating. I had succtioned him out. Gave him a breathing treatment. Set his oxygen levels and turned his alarms on. At 5 am, i decided that it would be safe to lay down for a few hours. If anything was wrong I would hear the alarms. I set my alarm for 7:45 am., so that i could let the nurses in at 8:00 am, and went to sleep. At 7:45 my alarm went off, but when i turned it off I could still hear an alarm sounding. I jumped when I realized what it was, iI went running down the hallway to Spencer's room, I was horrified when I got there. My baby was dying, gasping for his breath, he was grey, and there was nothing in his eyes but fear. I screamed for help. My daughter got the neighbor, called 911 and cried. I tried to administer CPR, he had no pulse, there was so much salivia, I couldn't get a good airway. I was in extreme panic!
The paramedics arrived, after what seemed to be forever, i ran out of the room and let them take over. Their sucess was as failing as my attempts. At which time I told them to stop. He had been through so much and had tried to leave numorous times, and I wouldn't let God take him. This time was different. I new instantly that it was time. So we let him go. The paramedics got out of the way, so that I could hold him,and my kids and I held him and told him good-bye.
MY SWEET SPENCER.....
Life should not have to be so hard for one so small and young.
But for all your battles and triumphs, you have left your mark in this world.
You put a light in this world so bright and warmed so many hearts.
What a gift God gave to us, that we never took for granted.
Your spirit gave me the strength to fight your fight with you.
Now the battle is won, and the war is over.
You can run and play and sing.
You have found your peace my sweet baby.
I take comfort that you rest in marvolous arms.
I will not fret, for I know that I will be with you again.
There are no words in this world to say how much you are loved.
I will miss you my baby, and thank you for coming into my life and choosing me. I will never be alone.
LOVE,
MaMa
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