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Empty Feelings
Oct 23, 2002
Hi to everyone my name is tabitha i am thirty 3years old and proably like u thought you never be in this situation!!i lost my beautifull daughter nilda on august 22 this year she was 3 and a half and would of been 4 on september 13th.Her birthday was really hard for us .we have a magic candle that we light whenever its a special day or when we are feeling really sad.
i am seperated from her dad and whilst on her visit she was allowed to play upstairs and she fell out of a window and was brain dead on arrival to hospital she was kept on a monitor for a further day but brain stem cell tests showed no signs of life i have two other children who r 7 and 8 who also miss her terribly are lifes have been shattered in 1 day we lost a sister and daughter our home and some kind of future that i and my girls took for granted.Some days im really strong and can function do the normal crap other days even simple things are too much i have experienced every emotion conciveable ,anger pure physical pain,loss,emptyness that never seems to leave me.questions like why me why did god give her to me and then let her be taken from me,life is so cruel and sometimes unexplainable. my comfort is she was always a happy little soul so full of life and adventure a beautifull innocent being that only ever eyperienced happiness and love,she fills my heart everytime i think of her. it is us that are left behind that hurt ,i believe that nilda is safe and happy in heaven in the arms of angels and that one day we will see her again .the days merge into one and i dont know what our future holds for me and my girls all i know is to try and stay positive and to roll with thoose really hard feelings and to go with it,if u supress those feelings they dont go away they just bite u when u least expect it!everyone remarks on how strong i am thats the last thing i feel i have thought alot about dying to just to be with nilda ,but i also realize that my other 2 beautifulll girls desperatly need theyre mummy too and now im ok about being alive i wish i could offer u guys hope and im sure there is i just havnt found it yet. may your dreams comfort u like mine do ...love and light love tabitha.
ps if u know of any website or org that my girls can chat to other children that have lost siblings i would really appeciate it thanks tabitha
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