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Better, not Bitter
Nov 07, 2002
Yesterday was the first anniversary of our daughter's death. She was killed in a single car accident on Nov.6, 2001. She was 23 year old at the time of her death and left behind two children, Jessica (4 yrs old) and Bruce (3 yrs old). Beth's life had been marked by drug and alcohol abuse. In the course of the last five years she had made very bad decisions about her life and eventually ended up in jail for auto theft. We were so glad she was finally paying some consequences for her actions, glad that she was safe, warm and fed, and glad that she was out of the clutches of her abusive boyfriend. It was during the time she was incarcerated that the ladies from the local jail ministry began talking to Beth and eventually she came back to her faith in Jesus Christ, to whom she had dedicated her life at age 12. She got herself out of jail on a personal recognisance bond and came home to live with us. She was really trying to turn her life around. She lived with us for three weeks before her death. Her accident occured 1 1/4 mile from our home. There is a white cross at the site which we look at as a place of celebration. That is the place where Jesus came to get her and take her home. Drug abuse and alcoholism could not follow her past the grave. The only thing she could take with her was her eternal destination. We are working through our grief with the new mercies of the Lord everyday.
Then, just 4 1/2 months after Beth died, our son, Luke, was killed in a single car accident. He was 21 at the time of his death. Luke was an handsome cowboy with a magnetic personality and a smile that came deep from within his soul. It is estimated that 1,000 people attended his funeral. Everyone liked him. He was just one of those people who drew others to him. As I mentioned before, Luke was a cowboy. The Lord had gifted him with an uncanny ability to understand animals and a love of working with them. While Beth's life was rife with difficulty, Luke's was bursting with an unlimited future. At the age of 20 he was hired to manage a 6,000 acre ranch. At his death, the ranch had grown to 14,000 acres and Luke was looking forward to building the herd to 500 pairs. Luke didn't just live life, he attacked it! Many times we just stood in awe at what he could do. We can almost make sense of Beth's death and the reasons or it, but the reasons for Luke's death are a mystery to us and will always be so until we meet the Lord. We are working at accepting the situation. Some days we do better than others.
There is no way we could imagine getting through our grief without the Lord. He gives us what we need to meet each day. This experience has shaken us to our core beliefs and has tested everything we believed about Jesus. He has proven Himself to be all that He says He is and more. There is no strength in us except for what He gives us. I also attend a mother's support group and see a Christian counselor. Our family and community have been an amazing support group in themselves.
We will never get over losing our kids, but we will get through our grief. We have determined to be better, not bitter. That is a choice every grieving parent must make. We never thought we would be in this position. But we cannot honor our children's memory by giving up and quitting. We will survive by God's grace.
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