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My Child, My Friend
Written by Clara Hinton | Sep 17, 2001
As parents, we often go through periods of wanting to rush our children through certain different stages in life. We can’t wait for the terrible two’s to end. Then, we move on to the stage where everything is answered with a resounding "no!" From there, we struggle through the teen years, which for many, are turbulent times that we often wish we didn’t have to experience with our children. Finally, our children reach an adult level of maturity, and we can say the words, "My child is my most wonderful friend."
Adult children can be such a pleasurable blessing. Somehow, we seem to be able to forget the years of struggle, and we are finally able to enjoy our child on a new level-a place of friendship. Because we have our hearts linked together in parental love, the friendship is even more beautiful than we imagined. We long to be together. We actually enjoy the company of our child!
When an adult child dies, a parent’s grief is quite often misunderstood. So many times, well-meaning people think that an adult death is far easier than the death of a much younger child because the adult child was given more years in which to live out some of his dreams and to have time experiencing life. The years lived on this earth create many precious memories for parents and the loved one. The fact still remains that "child loss causes dramatic changes. It will take several months for you to readjust your thinking." (Silent Grief)
Losing an adult child is a double blow to a parent’s heart. Not only has a child been taken out of the natural order of life and death, but often a best friend has been snatched away, too. There is a depth of loneliness following the death of an adult child that very few people understand.
How does a parent move through this double loss, the loss of losing a child and a friend? It’s not easy to move forward in this grief because often we call on our friends to help us through life's most difficult pain. When an adult child is lost, we've lost a best friend, too.
Parents who have lost an adult child should not try to rush through this deep, lingering grief. Because this is a double grief, it becomes more difficult to move forward. I know many, many parents who have lost adult children, and there seems to be one overwhelming thing that is done to help ease the pain. The parents keep visible pictures of the child throughout the house. There is great comfort found in walking past a picture, and having a physical reminder of wonderful moments together with that child.
Society says that we should get back to work in three days, and move on with our lives following the death of a child. Your heart will remind you thousands of times, however, that your life has been torn apart by grief. Listen to your heart, and give yourself the precious gift of time. Get out the photo albums. Remember fishing trips, vacations, and silly antics at birthday parties. Allow memories of your child, your friend, to wrap your heart in daily comfort. Continue to remind yourself that with each passing day your are moving forward in the most difficult journey you'll ever take-walking through the grief of child loss.
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