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October 15 - A Day of Remembrance
Written by Clara Hinton | Oct 08, 2002
Those who have suffered early child loss often feel forgotten by society. Many times they have been made to feel that it’s somehow wrong to grieve a miscarried baby or a baby that was never seen, held, and loved by others.
Mothers especially feel an immediate physical and emotional bond when a pregnancy occurs. Sometimes, the depth of the bond amazes even the mother. Many will say they never thought they had feelings of love that could be so strong. It’s difficult for others to comprehend that such a deep emotional connection could take place almost instantly. When a baby is lost early on, so much of life vanishes. So many lost dreams and so much hope for the future vanishes instantly!
Parents need a way to mourn the loss of a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. The pain of grief is real, and to deny those feelings only plunges a parent deeper into the depths of grief and depression. As many mothers say, “I just wish I could cry and let it out. It hurts so much. I’ve been told to get over it, but the pain just won’t go away.”
Setting aside such a day as October 15—Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day—becomes a most important step in a parent’s healing. This is a public acknowledgement of the grief that parents are holding deep within their hearts. This day allows parents to say, “My loss was real. It hurts. I want to tell you about it. And, I want to be able to grieve the fact that part of my life was taken away.”
What to do: Specific suggestions to give remembrance on October 15:
Many parents who have suffered early child loss find great healing and comfort by coming together with others who have endured a similar loss and doing such things as reading a poem or letter written in memory of their baby. Others find it healing to release a balloon and use that as a ceremonial letting go of some of their grief in an attempt to move forward. Many find great comfort in giving their miscarried baby a name, and having a memorial plaque made in memory of their child. Others find great comfort in going to a chapel and lighting a candle as a symbol of hope in memory of their child.
There is nothing a parent can do to bring complete closure to a grief as deep as the loss of a child. That includes the loss of a child early on in miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. But, being able to validate publicly those feeling of loss to others is the beginning of that all-important journey of healing. Parents need to know that others acknowledge their loss as real!
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