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Lost Dreams
Written by Clara Hinton | Aug 28, 2001
The very first thing a couple does when news of a pregnancy is confirmed is to begin to dream. Will we have a little boy or a little girl? What will the baby look like? What are some favorite names? Will the baby have lots of hair? Hours and hours are spent discussing these topics and dreaming about how things will be.
The first sonogram picture-fuzzy and gray-looks beautiful to you. In fact, it becomes your most prized possession. You stare for hours at a time wondering if he’ll have his mommy’s smile or his daddy’s dimples. You dream together about how tall he’ll be and how fast he’ll run from second to third base in his first Little League game. Dreams are wonderful!
When that first fluttery kick is felt, you feel like shouting from the top of the tallest building, "My little one is the best kicker of all!". Every conversation is colored with vivid dreams and hopes of who your little one will be.
When miscarriage occurs, the pain is felt like a searing hot iron pressing against your heart. The hurt, at times, feels unbearable. Once you hear those most dreaded words, "I’m sorry. Your baby didn’t make it," all of life is covered by a cloud of despair. In just a few brief moments, those wonderful dreams of days spent with your little one vanish. Miscarriage is cruel.
Miscarriage not only robs you of today’s joy, but it steals away your future. Instead of having hours of happy, excited conversation, you sit in silence not knowing what to say—not even wanting to way a word. The dreams are gone. Your future has been swiftly taken away.
Moving forward in life following a miscarriage is extremely difficult. Most parents will feel a strong bond of love formed with the baby at the very point of conception. A mother looks at every picture of a baby in a magazine with growing anticipation, while daddy sneaks into the toy store and buys baby’s first football. Miscarriage steals dreams away, and it’s so hard to move forward without your baby—the very center of all of your thoughts and dreams.
When a miscarriage brings an abrupt end to your dreams, take time to mourn the loss. Spend as much time talking together with your mate about your loss as you did planning for the future with your baby. Express your feelings of loss openly. Cry together as you come to terms with the fact that your baby died.
Finally, do something meaningful to help in the grieving process. Write a poem in memory of your precious baby. Plant a special tree as a symbol of your baby’s memory living forever. Name your baby so that you will always have a very real part of your dream with you.
As painful as it may seem to you at the time, each day spent working through your feelings of lost dreams is a step closer in your journey towards healing and hope. Remind yourself often that grief is hard work. It’s okay to take your time on the most difficult path you’ll ever have to walk. You can never attain your original dream before the miscarriage occurred, but you can remember your dreams one day with fondness. Walk your journey of grief slowly, remembering that you will make it!
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