 |
 |
|
|
|
Every Month Is A Reminder
Written by Clara Hinton | Nov 07, 2001
When a miscarriage, ectopic, stillbirth, or other early child loss occurs, there is an instant void created in a mother’s heart. Her thinking soared into high gear the moment she learned her body was carrying a baby. All of the dreams, hopes, and joy associated with pregnancy and a baby came crashing to an abrupt end the moment child loss occurred. Grief is very painful!
Along with the mental relocation of thinking that must occur when early child loss takes place, a woman must also deal with physical changes in her body. The changes that took place when pregnancy occurred were exciting. Enlarged breasts were a reminder of the coming child nestled closely against his mother. The swelling of her tummy was a visible reminder to everyone of the precious gift being nourished daily by the mother.
The most obvious reminder of all that there was a pregnancy was the stopping of her monthly “friend”, menstruation. The date of the last menstrual cycle was etched in stone in a mother’s mind, for that meant the beginning of a beautiful, new life.
Following early child loss, one of the very first questions a mother asks is, “When can I expect my first period?” That question has a two-fold meaning. The mother wants to know, most often, when she can expect menstruation to begin because she wants to know when her body will be functioning as normal again. And, she wants to know when she will be able to conceive again.
Grieving an early child loss is difficult because so much is lost in the way of “what would have been”. Women are often very confused about the myriad of emotions experienced following a loss. Especially difficult is the resuming of her monthly cycle. Many women will often tense up two weeks prior to their due date, dreading the reminder once again that there is no pregnancy.
With every month there is hope, but with every period there is disappointment for the woman who is trying to conceive. Many times, the month is consumed with temperature charting, calls to the doctor or midwife, ovulation tests, and planned moments of intimacy. The days in the month drag on to feel like a year!
As difficult as it sounds, a woman needs to focus her attention on the positive possibilities of her monthly cycle. Once menstruation returns, the very real possibility of pregnancy returns. For many women, this mixed blessing eventually does become the focus of hope. However, it can take many months before a woman will accept the reality of child loss, and the changing of her pregnant body back to a non-pregnant state.
Husbands need to be patient with their wives’ response to the return of her monthly cycle. Even though each month brings possibilities, each month also serves as a very real reminder of lost dreams. With patience and understanding, a woman will learn to face each month with less and less anger, frustration, and tears as she travels forward in her journey of grief following an early pregnancy loss. In time, a new month will serve as a new reminder of hope!
|
|
|
|
