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Getting Through Mother's Day
Written by Clara Hinton | Apr 20, 2002
Mother’s Day arouses feelings of nurturing, tenderness, and precious family time spent together. We think of mother/daughter banquets, bouquets of fresh flowers, and young children serving their moms breakfast in bed.
When the loss of a child has occurred, there is a dread of holidays, and Mother’s Day is a holiday that is one of the most painful of all to endure. Many mothers feel that they cannot make it through Mother’s Day without their child. The reality of life is that Mother’s Day will arrive in May even if a mother is deeply grieving the loss of her child.
How can a mother make it through Mother’s Day when her heart is breaking from loss? Should a mother try to conceal her grief and pretend that all is okay? Should others send cards or acknowledge the mother in some way?
When child loss has occurred, Mother’s Day is a very painful reminder that something tragic has occurred. To go through the day without acknowledging the grief will only add to the burden of pain in the months ahead. As difficult as it may be, it is necessary to feel the pain now in order to receive relief later on.
It is a good idea to do something as a means of validating the fact that a loss has taken place. If church is an especially difficult place to be on Mother’s Day, you can decide ahead of time to have a Bible reading and some prayer time perhaps at the gravesite of your child or at a place that holds some particularly fond meaning to you.
Don’t be afraid to deviate from the norm of tradition and make this a day of new beginnings for you. If you cannot bear to be around crowds of people celebrating Mother’s Day, then go on a quiet walk by the sea or take a walk and listen to the many healing sounds of nature.
Perhaps you can make Mother’s Day a time of remembrance—bring the family together and work on a memory box in honor of your child who is no longer with you. Everyone who is willing can contribute a poem, a special writing, a photo, or a story in honor of your child. This will surely bring about many tears, but doing this grief work together can also begin the healing process for everyone involved.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful time to plant a flower or a tree in memory of your child who has died. This is something that will live on and serve as a healing reminder to you in the years to come. Be sure that the plant you choose is appropriate to your climate and has personal meaning.
Mother’s Day is “your” day to validate the fact that you are a mother. Be gentle to yourself, and make allowances to do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable on that day. It is important to plan ahead for Mother’s Day so that the grief is a controlled grief. When no plans are made for this special day, your heart will take over and you will be consumed by grief.
When you make a conscious choice to do something for Mother’s Day—no matter how small—you have also taken that first all-important step towards healing in the grieving of the loss of your child. Plan ahead. Feel the pain. Acknowledge the loss as you heal.
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