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The Emotional Roller Coaster
Written by Clara Hinton | Sep 05, 2001
Child loss brings with it an array of mixed emotions. Parents can feel anything from sadness and depression to extreme anger at everyone and anything. Some days the tears will flow like a river for no apparent reason. Other days the language that pours forth from your mouth will surprise even you. Emotions can run wild for months following the death of a child.
Because it is so out of order to have a child die before his parents, the world you have been living in is abruptly turned upside down and nothing makes much sense. It is normal to be consumed with thoughts of your child, and this time of deep grief can vary widely from parent to parent. Along with everything seeming so out of the ordinary, your emotions can come into play to complicate matters even more.
Your personal journey of grief might feel much like a roller coaster ride. You are riding up, then come speeding downhill fast. You are moving along at a steady pace for a while, then you take an abrupt turn and you think you're going to be thrown from your seat and die. That's grief-riding the emotional roller coaster every day, several times a day.
In the beginning, when you are still adjusting to the loss of your child, you will think there are times when you are going crazy. You get so angry with everybody you see. You might get very angry with God and then feel terribly guilty for feeling such anger. Just the sight of a small child is enough to send you running. You are not "losing it". You are, though, experiencing deep grief, which is quite normal.
How long does this emotional roller coaster last? We all want the answer to that question. Nobody likes to feel out of control. Unfortunately, your grief is very personal, and there is no set amount of time for knowing that your roller coaster ride is beginning to slow down. You will know, though, by the way you feel. There will be more mornings when you want to get out of bed than when you feel you can't move from bed. Food will begin to taste good. You will find yourself occasionally laughing at a funny movie and you won't feel guilty. You can even talk to a child without thinking how unfair life has been to you. People will once again look kind and friendly, and you will want to spend time with friends.
When your emotional roller coaster begins to slow down, you will begin to feel like resuming some of your favorite activities-swimming, golfing, and biking. When you begin to have an inward smile about life, you will know the wild ride is beginning to slow down!
Give yourself the precious gifts of time and patience. You need time to allow the shock of the loss to become real. You need patience to allow yourself to make adjustments while on this roller coaster ride. Time and patience will never bring complete closure to the loss of your child, but the emotional coaster ride will slow down to a pace where you can once again live in joy.
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