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Where Do We Begin?
Written by Clara Hinton | Sep 18, 2001
Child loss is not a single isolated event that creates a temporary inconvenience. Rather, losing a child, whether it is as early as a miscarriage or as late as losing an adult child, causes an abrupt end to the way life used to be. There must be a time of facing head on the many changes brought on by the loss of a child.
Child loss takes a devastating toll on a marriage. Parents often go through an array of emotions ranging from anger and hurt to rage and hate. Tempers often flare for no real reason at all other than the heart is grieving. Tears fall often at any time and any place. Careless words fall from the mouths of parents who have had their hearts pierced by the death of a child.
The conflicts between a grieving husband and wife would be difficult enough to deal with, but what happens when other children are in the family and are also experiencing the emotions of deep, unrelenting grief? Parents, so new to this role they have been thrown into, are left with only one question. Where do we begin? How do we shed some light on this place of turmoil, uncertainty, and daily fear? How do we get through this time of pain? How do we keep our family together? Where do we even begin?
It is vitally important to talk about your loss as a family. When we try to pretend that life is moving forward without interruption, our grief does not go away. It only gets more complicated. Communication is always a key element in keeping a family strong and united. When child loss occurs, it becomes even more important to share your feelings of pain and loss with one another.
Children have all kinds of questions and concerns about death. Will I die, too? Did my brother die because he was a bad boy? If I get sick, will I die? When I fall asleep, will I ever wake up? Will God take my mommy or daddy to heaven, too? These are all valid fears, and certainly are deserving of attention.
A very critical problem that families have is the inability to talk about questions of deep grief because these very questions plague the hearts of parents, too. So, how do you begin to pull together as a family? Talk! You don't have to have every answer to every question. In fact, you might not have any answers at first. But, every family member needs to hear the words, "I love you, and right now all of our hearts hurt very, very much. We are probably going to hurt a lot right now. But, mommy and daddy love you, and that helps us all feel better."
As difficult as it might be, it is crucial to you as a family to communicate love among each other. Words of love always are the beginning point of healing. Words of love open the door to communication. Words of love inspire hope and make the heart feel better. It only takes a few words to quiet fears and to draw you close to each other.
Where do you begin as a family in deep grief? You can begin the long, difficult journey of grief by talking to each other about your pain. Communication opens many doors to healing!
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