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A Family's Role in Miscarriage
Written by Clara Hinton | Aug 15, 2001
Miscarriage is a difficult loss for any family. There is a fine line between showing that you care and stepping over the boundaries into the very private territory of the couple who has suffered the loss. So, families are often left wondering what to do or say when they know that a family member has lost a baby because of a miscarriage.
To say or do nothing is too easily mistaken for not caring. Family gatherings always seem to have young children running about, taking on center stage. Just seeing a young child can be heartrending to the couple who has just lost a baby. Because it is an awkward situation for everyone, the easiest thing for family members to do is to not say a word to the couple who has miscarried for fear of upsetting them even more.
We need to remember that the couple who just lost a baby is probably thinking about the miscarriage day and night. Family gatherings are particularly difficult for couples that have recently had a miscarriage. There is a fear that someone will forget what has happened and tease them about hurrying to get pregnant. And, there is a fear that no one will even say the words they so need to hear, “I'm so sorry to hear about your loss."
To say nothing leaves the hurting couple feeling very alone. Let the couple know how much you care, and that you are thinking about them by simply saying a few brief words such as, “I was really sorry to hear about your loss. I'm praying that it won't be long until you are feeling much better."
If you are a person who finds it impossible to talk about the loss, a simple hug will do. Many times, a hug will speak volumes of love when you don't have the words to express your sorrow.
If you are a family member who has experienced a miscarriage, it would be a tremendous blessing to share your loss with the hurting couple. Try to think back to when you were that same hurting couple needing words of support. Just hearing the words, “I've been through a miscarriage, too, and in time I was able to enjoy life again. I know that will happen for you", will bring great comfort and hope.
A family can be a tremendous support during a very difficult time. To totally ignore the miscarriage is an obvious oversight, and only ends of causing more pain. Couples need to hear that you care about their pain and loss!
Your words may bring tears, but that's okay. Tears are a natural response to grief and pain. What is not okay is to pretend that the miscarriage never occurred. The silence will cause deeper pain. "Early child loss is probably the easiest to be dismissed by others, especially in the case of miscarriage." (Silent Grief)
Express your sincere sorrow. By doing so, you become a support in a time of need and you aid in the healing process. Everyone is helped when you grieve the loss of a child together as a family.
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