The Tunnel of Pain

My ten year old son, Nicolaas, died of a sudden asthma attack on October 26, 2001. It happend at our home. The sadness and depression never lift. His younger brother and I witnessed the attack which torments us day and night. There is no light at the end of this tremendous, unexplainable tunnel of pain. I miss him more than words can say. Just wondering if anyone knows where God was while I begged and believed for his life.