Denial is Less Painful

My son died two weeks ago on Sept. 9...he died from an overdose of prescription medicine...at 47 years old...i was called by the police and told the found him on the floor in his apt..and dont know how long he was there.....im still in denial and cant seem to face the reality of it... For the last 7 years i tried to help him but the last few months and stopped talking to him gave up..My other son kept spoke to him and would tell me how he was doing..he also tried but could not get through to help him..now i blame myself for not doing more I blame myself for not doing more to get him help ...i find that by keeping it all inside and not thinking aboutc it helps me now but i know i need help to grieve...